He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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