She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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