i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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