summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
