GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
