So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
