tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
