I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
