Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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