Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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