I am puke
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
