Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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