She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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