We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
