I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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