conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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