I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
