You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
