The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
