i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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