R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
