I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
