Just fell off a train. Bad.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
