i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
