Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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