it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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