Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
