i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
