The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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