I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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