I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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