Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
