Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
