i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm really busy with my period
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