i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
