I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
