it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
