Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
