I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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