When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
