nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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