i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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