dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Randomize
