Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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