I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
