call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
