She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
