you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
