Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
