I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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